Wanted: Experienced Shepherd (Night Shift)

It was a dark and stormy n………

Oh sorry, I dosed off.  You see I haven’t been getting my required seven or six or even five hours a night.

Last night I woke up after about an hour of sleep and I couldn’t fall back asleep.  I didn’t want to get up so I began my maddening late night rituals in hope of sleep.

First, I flipped around every which way, feeling that if I found the right position I would drift back to the Land of Nod. I did this until my head was literally at the bottom of the bed.  I did find a quarter and a lost sock but I didn’t find rest.

The second thing I did was to mentally run through all the possible reasons my sleep was disrupted.

• Caffeine.  I drank the last of college girl’s Diet Dr. Pepper last week.  I’m off the hard stuff until she returns.
• Spicy food.  Husband is out-of-town so a peanut butter and banana sandwich was last night’s gourmet dinner of choice.
• Alcohol.  It may help you sleep or it may keep you up.  I’ve heard both theories, so I never know, but I went to bed quite sober.
• Disturbing television shows.  This is occasionally the case because I love a good scare as long as it doesn’t involve eviscerated humans, but not last night. Since hubby is out-of-town the TV was off and I read a non-disturbing book before bed.
• Exercise.  My shiny new elliptical spent yesterday all alone in the dark basement.
• Symphony of snores.  No hubby, no snoring.

The third thing I did was to swear I would  develop a routine.  I dream (if I sleep) about a routined life.  I vowed to start getting in bed at the same time every night.  Currently I may go to bed anytime from 11pm to 3am.  I’m a night owl who struggles to keep regular hours.  I can keep up a routine for a while and then hubby leaves town and I fall back into my vampirish behavior.

I’ve thought about adding the counting of sheep to my sleep routine.  I’ve heard of this all my life but frankly, I know of no one that actually uses this sleep-inducing process.  I’m sure this odd ovine-related tactic started with those old-time shepherds watching over their flocks, but really, shouldn’t they stay awake?  A lot of sheep predators are nocturnal.

Maybe I could include a warm beverage into my nighttime ritual, except, warm milk sounds gross to me.  So does cold milk.  Hot, decaffeinated tea is a better choice.  I could make a second cup for the Sandman.

As a related side-note, the Sandman has always disturbed me.  As a child, I couldn’t believe my parents were going to let a strange man in my bedroom at night to put sand in my eyes.  Where did that get started?  When I think of restful sleep, it never involves tiny, gritty specks of dirt in my eyes.

See, I’ve already lost my train of thought on developing a routine.  A short attention span accompanies my sleep deprivation.

I’m open to any advice here. I’m accustom to the quiet of an empty-nest, so that’s not the problem.   And no, I’m not worried about things like the world ending in 2012.  I have no major deadlines coming up.  Sadly, I lead a somewhat mundane life.  The most excitement I had this week was seeing that “The Artist” is showing at a movie theater within sixty miles of where I live.  Trust me, I never expected the chance to see it on the big screen after my big “The Descendants” disappointment.

 Am I rambling again?

It was a dark and stormy n…………..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.